So I am not super far into my no spend challenge yet, so recapping my progress may be a little unnecessary at this point. However, I feel like I am already having to rethink a few ideas, so here we go.

First of all, going 10 days without spending money on myself (with the exception you can find here), has actually not been too challenging . This may be because I have allowed myself to purchase Christmas presents, so maybe that has taken the place of any urges to shop for myself.

As I’ve been waiting for the last of my items to arrive, I have discovered that I really do love the feeling of anticipation that comes with waiting. I’ve always tried to dissect why I like to online shop, and this may be a part of it. I like the feeling of knowing something is coming in the mail. I like to watch its progress as it ships across the country, and I love the feeling of ripping open the box to see if it’s everything I was hoping for. But one thing I have noticed is that often, my thrill of the item fades just as soon as I take the item out of its packaging. It’s not that I don’t like what I’ve purchased; it’s just that the excitement over it is usually gone.

Science seems to back this experience up. You can read more about it here, but basically in a nut shell, while dopamine (the chemical our body releases that plays a role in how we feel pleasure) is often associated with receiving a reward, it is actually released in anticipation of a reward…meaning that the longer we wait for something, the more excited we are. Think of a family vacation…so often, the most exciting and happiest parts of the vacation come in the weeks and months leading up to it, during the planning and imagination stages. Just the thought of the vacation and all of the unknowns is enough to release that addictive pleasure feeling. And so does online shopping.

I can say for a fact that I have been a little addicted to online shopping. Every month, I like to set aside a certain amount to spend on myself, and I will space my purchases (usually used books) out over the course of the month so I have little surprises waiting in the mail for me each week. But once they arrive, often they immediately go on the shelf and then are neglected. Magazines are another thing…just receiving them in the mail gives me a little jolt of excitement. But often opening them up and perusing the cover and table of contents is as much attention as I give them. I’m so excited to receive them; I’m much worse at actually sitting down and reading them. How can this be? How can I spend money on an item, anticipate its arrival with so much interest, and then completely ignore it once it has actually arrived? The answer is dopamine, and finding a more responsible alternative is going to have to be a goal of mine over the course of the next year.

For now, as I said before, this challenge has not been too difficult yet, but that may all change once the Christmas packages stop arriving and I stop receiving those regular jolts of dopamine. We shall see.